Saturday, December 31, 2011

Goodbye 2011 from Janette Miller

Last day of 2011. I loved it! Best year I have had since 2002 so it is a time to reflect and think how lucky I am to have managed to get this far.

Back in 2002 when I became so ill that I nearly died I would have given my eye teeth for just one day of 2011. Clostridium Difficile plus Giardia plus the horrific death of my husband and the subsequent effects of Benzodiazepine, tricyclics and Vancomycin had left me a physical mess but alive.

Fortunately not a mental mess although the drugs had wrecked my nervous system and my internal organs. I was like a canackered apple perfect on the outside and rotten to the core. I did not know how to live through one day let alone survive 10 years! If anyone had told me that I would see 2012 I would not have believed them.

But I have! Although I shall never be back to my old healthy self my life is now more or less normal. My head no longer spins continually, my balance is back and I can wait in queues in the supermarket. I have gone from misery to comfortable. I was lucky most in my situation do not live. 30 sufferers that I knew died. One man in the USA was so nice. I spoke to him on the phone. He was so desperate he hung himself in the garage.

Now I can sleep all night and if I am careful I can eat what I want but still I regret nothing beginning with C like citrus, curry and coffee.

Some things will never be normal for me again. My lack of an immune system  really means I have to live alone to avoid bugs. I do not enjoy it but it gives me the time to do the things I love. Wagner said the greatest threat to creativity was the pram in the hall!   I am fortunate to have plenty of time to myself to learn how to use the technology that is necessary to be part of the world today. I can and do take part. I learned to sing again without an accompanist.

I have lost one or two dear friends to death this year and my daughter had a lousy time with death and earthquakes too. Because we live so far apart I was very little help but even so this year has been memorable as you can see from the above.

I should love to share my life with more people in real life but I do my best with YouTube and Facebook and of course this blog. Here I can be franker than I am in real life. I have it printed out each year for my grand daughter who I hardly see, again mostly because I cannot travel, so that she can know something of her 'strange' granny.

But even with all my problems I am lucky. To an outsider my life looks pretty good and it is but let me assure you all not one of you would want to go through my last ten years to achieve what I have today.

Lastly my greatest friend is my garden. It has never given up on me or I on it. I have loved it and it has repaid my efforts of 37 years. I think it is my greatest achievement.

So onto to 2012. From now on I live through dangerous territory but at least I have lived.

Happy New Year to all.

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